Monthly Archives: August 2012

First Day of School

16 Thursday Aug 2012

Posted by in Parenting

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Today was the first day of school for my kids…third grade for my daughter and fifth for my son. After the flag-raising ceremony, I walked over to the multi-purpose room for today’s purpose: reconnecting with other parents! There was a “coffee and volunteer sign-up” in the MP room and I was delighted to see how many parents stayed to volunteer for the various school activities throughout the year.

This year marked the first time that I brought a baked good for the welcome-back coffee that I myself baked. During previous years, I was in a job or looking for my next job, so if I even managed to sign up to bring something it was normally pre-made from Trader Joe’s (every working mom’s best friend) or Whole Foods (if I felt like I needed to impress people). This year, however, I baked. I BAKED. Yes, it was from a mix from Trader Joe’s, but I had to turn on an oven, dammit, so I want my awesome-mom-points. And bonus points because I hacked the crumbcake recipe and made delicious crumb-cake muffins.

Thus, it was delightful to saunter in – fresh from my arrival on my Townie cruiser bike – and deposit a tupperware container of home-madebaked muffins on the breakfast table. I didn’t need to rush through signups, or hurry my conversations with other moms (and one dad!)…there were no work meetings for me to get to and I had nothing scheduled until pick-up time! I enjoyed the time catching up with the other parents.

One of my amazing mom friends – who is a lawyer, working part-time, and a mom of two great daughters – knew that I had stopped working for a few months and had hinted in an email that she would love my help with fundraising. When I arrived at the volunteer coffee, I saw her standing by the table with signup sheets for the fundraising events and I went over to say hello. She was in side-show barker mode and doing a phenomenal job of signing up parents to help with the fund-raising events for the school, and when she saw me, she immediately sidled up next to me and started the recruiting process.  She reminded me that this was my son’s last year at the school (sniffle!) and wouldn’t it be great to be involved in making it an awesome year! It was an easy sell…I really like her and I am grateful to be able to help out, so I signed up to help reconcile the payments after the fall auction. With my commitment sealed in ink on the signup sheet, we moved on to catching up on our summers, and I realized that this was the year her younger daughter started kindergarten. She told me how she started tearing up when she took a photo of her two girls this morning, and when the girls asked her why she had tears in her eyes…she replied “Allergies!” Ah yes, the allergies that seem to only strike us on the first and last day of the school year….

 

Mommy, Can We Please Get a Puppy?

13 Monday Aug 2012

Posted by in Parenting

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I used to be a dog owner. I like to say that my first children were of the four-legged variety, before I became a mom.  I had a black lab for almost 15 years…I take great pride that he lived for so long (most labs live 10-12 years). He eventually got so old that he couldn’t control his back hips or his bowels (common for larger dogs like labs) and after a year of cleaning up poop in my house, I finally called a special vet who makes the dreaded final house calls and she put him to sleep in our living room. It was one of the most painful days of my life.

My kids are of the age where many of their friends’ families are getting puppies. My daughter has been begging me to get a puppy, but fortunately, I’ve been able to avoid dog ownership, as our landlord doesn’t allow pets (she made a special exception for the tortoise). Plus, when they’re at their dad’s I don’t want to be stuck with taking care of a dog on my own, and they wouldn’t be able to bring the dog to his apartment because his landlord doesn’t allow pets either (although they made a special exception for their cat). For the past 6 months, I don’t think a day has gone by when my daughter hasn’t sweetly mentioned what wonderful pets dogs are or said “Mom, tell me more about what you like about puppies” (she’s an amazing negotiator for her 8 years).

This past weekend, I agreed to help watch my friend’s 6-month old lab puppy (we’ll call him Rusty, to protect his identity. In case, you know, he reads this). I thought it would be a great opportunity to test the kids out with a dog, and I only had to walk him twice, so I happily agreed to be part of Team Rusty (my friend smartly divided up the 2 days of dog-watching among 4 different friends to lessen the impact). I helped out on Saturday evening with the dinnertime walk/wear-out-the-puppy meetup at a local park. It brought back memories of taking my lab to a park to get him the exercise labs so desperately need so they don’t turn into house-destroying tornadoes.

We got to the park and the kids immediately ran to the playground. I was left holding the ChuckIt while Rusty barked and pleaded with me to please throw the goddamn ball already! So, I heaved the ball into the air and enjoyed watching him fetch. He hurled himself at it and proudly ran back, chomping on the tennis ball and salivating all over it. He came over and dropped the ball (good boy!) but when I reached over to pick it up he bit at the ChuckIt (bad dog!). Ooh! My dog-training instincts re-awakened as I recognized an opportunity to do some canine development. “WAIT!” I said sharply to Rusty and started leaning down to pick up the ball. He charged the ball again, so I grabbed his collar and jerked him back, saying “WAIT!” His eyes never left the ball. We tried it again. He charged it again. I yanked him back and yelled “BAH!” We tried it again. This time he watched. I slowly reached down and scooped up the ball and then yelled “Good Wait, Rusty!” and hurled the ball for him to chase. We worked on this for about 30 minutes. I was thrilled that toward the end, he seemed to be getting it (he’s a pure-bred lab, so I’m counting on some intelligence there). By this time, my children were climbing the backstop of the baseball field at the park and Rusty was seeking out shade and lying down whenever he brought the ball back, so we called it a day and walked Rusty home. I lucked out in that he never pooped the whole time, so I didn’t have to break out the pastic baggie for clean-up duty (I always really hated that part about dogs).

It was a good reminder that puppies are a buttload of work. On the walk back to Rusty’s house, my daughter talked about all the reasons we should get a dog (they’re comforting, they protect the house, they encourage us to get exercise when we walk them, etc.) until I pointed out that she and her brother had not helped at all with Rusty at the park. She looked at me funny and then gently explained that she didn’t want a lab because they are too much work and too physical. She wants us to get a cute little terrier puppy, which she assured me would be much, much easier than taking care of Rusty.

Ah, yeah right. 😉

Monterey Bay Aquarium Visit

10 Friday Aug 2012

Posted by in Parenting, Travel

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Yesterday I took the kids to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. The last time we were there was for an overnight six months ago (which I *highly* recommend. It is super cool to fall asleep next to a huge tank full of fish slowly swimming by). The kids always love going, and I find it amazing that we always seem to notice something new or unique each time we go.

We have our favorites. My son loves the “Open Sea” exhibit, which is essentially a ginormous tank with lots of big fish and a couple of turtles. But there’s something about the glow from the tank in the darkness of the room, accompanied by the soothing soundtrack piped over the exhibit’s speakers that creates a very relaxing, calm experience. I like that the turtles appear to be flying:

My daughter’s favorite was the new Jellies Experience, which is a fun and groovy look at jellyfish. The aquarium already has a jelly exhibit, but they added a wonderful layer of fun by pulling together an additional exhibit that is done with black lights and funky colors, to the sounds of groovy, 60’s pipe organ music. Plus, they created some quirky lighting in the style of jellyfish that she now wants to create for her own room:

I have two favorites: the Giant Pacific Octopus and the Seahorses. I have had a long fascination with octopuses and have incorporated that into my artwork. The octopus at the aquarium is kept in a smaller tank that unfortunately is almost covered by people, likewise curious about these amazing animals. My daughter is great at creeping in to small spaces and found a spot right up front to take a picture. It’s not the best photo (it’s in a very dark corner), but you can get a sense of its majesty:

(btw, I always thought octopuses were cool, but after seeing this video, now I know they are the BADASSES of the ocean)

Then, there are the seahorses. Seahorses “court” each other for days and then dance while having sex and the male carries the babies…how awesome is that? Plus, they’re so cute how they propel themselves through the water using little fins rapidly like a hummingbird’s wings. Not surprisingly, my daughter and I loved the seahorse exhibit while my son made his way quickly to the gift shop.

We watched a couple of films at the aquarium theater, but the one that really made an impression on me was a short film about the TOPP project. Tagging of Pacific Predators (TOPP) is one of several projects that make up the Census of Marine Life, a 10-year, international effort to understand more about the ocean and the marine life that calls it home. I was really excited to learn about this. Just a few days ago, the United States landed a rover on Mars, millions of miles away (which is a phenomenal and necessary accomplishment for humankind), and yet we really don’t know much about the vast, ocean-covered portions of our own planet. It’s heartening to hear that there are scientists devoted to discovering more about our oceanic world.

We had such a wonderful time that I forked over $195 for a family membership. It’s tax deductible, the kids were thrilled that they got their own membership cards with their names on them, and the money goes towards a great cause. It really is a wonderful day trip for families with kids of any ages…and adults, too. Last summer, when I spent a few days in Pacific Grove for a mini-vacation, I went to the Aquarium on my own so I could experience it without the ever-nagging feeling of “where are my children?” I enjoyed that time of non-interrupted exhibit viewing and look forward to another solo visit, since I’m now a card-carrying member.

Making Something Ugly

09 Thursday Aug 2012

Posted by in 15 Habits, Fiction, Writing

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[This was originally a draft post from the 15 Habits of Great Writers series that I never posted. I’ve added to it in order to check off my “write 500 words every day” goal. (I needed a little assistance because I am limited on time and inspiration this morning…I’m taking the kids to Monterey Bay Aquarium) ]

Day 7: Start something that you know will be difficult and thus have been avoiding. Doesn’t matter if it’s ugly, as all art starts out ugly before the artist finds the beauty in it.

I’ve always liked to think about what the world would be like if gender roles were reversed. What if long ago, there had been some event that established a maternalistic society? How differently would society have evolved? Or would it be more interesting from a creative writing perspective to just take the current world and flip gender roles in order to highlight the inequalities? I thought about this idea again while watching the movie Magic Mike last week. It was an odd blend of male stripping/dancing and character drama (thank you, Steven Soderbergh). I can’t help but think that if this had been a movie about a woman stripping and dancing in order to make money so she can pursue her real dream of “respectable” artistic work…oh, wait, that was Flashdance.  Anyway, this (ugly) piece of creative writing comes from that idea of a world ruled by woman:

I am tired of living this boring life, he thought, as he lifted the dining room chair and deftly manuevered the vacuum cleaner, sucking up the leftover flakes of the croissants he had baked for Jacinda. He found some fulfillment in managing their home and in his daily trips to the local Manifestival arena (Just last week he defeated Artemisas in wrestling. Jacinda seemed proud and pleased that her husband had established himself as the one of the strongest men in their town) but he felt something was missing. Why should the women be allowed to work outside the home and travel for business and earn their own paychecks, but not men? He had always loved doing the crossword puzzles in the newspaper and enjoyed writing letters for correspondence…he had once written a short story in school that had earned him high marks and he had been elated until the teacher remarked that it’s too bad that men don’t work in the arts., he would likely have been a good writer. Best to stick to mens’ work, using his natural strength. History had shown that women were smarter and better able to manage complex projects and large groups of people. Leave the easier work, like domestic engineering, to the men. He set the vacuum cleaner down and thought of the essay he had submitted to their city newspaper’s non-fiction contest, using his initials so the editor might assume it was a woman writing. The deadline was last week and he constantly checked his mailbox for some sort of notification. His daydream was interrupted by the sharp shrill ring of their kitchen phone. 

The Sabbatical Plan

08 Wednesday Aug 2012

Posted by in Art, Mindfulness, Writing

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I decided to take a sabbatical. Now what? How best to use this gift of time?

I am kicking off the sabbatical with two important tasks this week. First, I started working with a career coach (on Monday morning no less! How’s that for wasting no time?) so I could have some professional guidance with thinking about what is important to me and how I will use that knowledge to help me find more satisfying work when I start my next job. Second, I am beginning to clean out the house today so I can feel more organized and get rid of clutter. I feel a driving need to get rid of useless stuff and I’m happy I finally have time to do it right.

But after this week? What next?

Being the planner that I am, I’ve felt the need to organize my goals for this break from work. I am trying to not schedule every day, but rather to have a menu of things to choose from so I can feel somewhat spontaneous.

I am organizing my activities of choice into 4 categories: Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual. I was inspired from reading James Altucher’s blog and books. He describes doing a “Daily Practice” of four things every day: Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual (he even created a website to help people track their daily practice). I liked the well-roundedness of that approach.

On a daily basis, I will:
Practice yoga (physical)
Keep a gratitude journal (emotional)
Write 500 words (mental)
Meditate for 20 minutes (spiritual)

Over the course of the next 4-6 months, I will also participate in the following:

Physical
Learn to surf
Dance
Get a 200 hour yoga teaching certificate?

Emotional
Volunteer at the kids’ school
Volunteer at the VA
Open my heart to the possibility of dating
Travel

Mental
Write: Work on a novel
Learn to Code
Build an App/Website
Paint

Spiritual
Read more about Buddhism

I am out of time for now…and only up to 324 words; crap! I will have to come back to this later and finish my thoughts.

 

Time for a sabbatical

07 Tuesday Aug 2012

Posted by in Divorce, Inspiration

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I’ve been working in Silicon Valley for 11 years and have never taken a break from work.

Well, let me qualify that.

I did have 2 maternity leaves, but any other mom can vouch for me when I say that caring for a helpless human being on 4 hours of sleep a day is *not* a break from working. I was also laid off in the summer of 2009 and paid 6 months of severance. I had planned to take a few months off and enjoy the school vacation time with my kids, but 2 weeks into my 24 weeks of paid leave, my (now ex-) husband started asking me about when I was going to start looking for my next job. I managed to hold off looking for a couple of months and enjoyed that time (traveled to Tokyo to visit friends, went to an art conference in Massachusetts, started “Camp Hirschman” for my kids, explored starting my own business) but I constantly felt the irritation from my ex that I was not working while he was (even though I was getting paid the whole time). I went back to work after three months.

Fast forward to about 6 weeks ago.

I had been separated from my ex for over a year and was living on my own 50% of the time and 50% with my kids. I loved the independence I was enjoying. As part of our divorce, we had sold our house in Palo Alto and I had some money sitting in the bank.

Last August I co-founded a mobile app company and we established an office in San Francisco. I had been commuting almost a year to the city and the time spent going back and forth was wearing on me. While I had loved the process of starting the company, our product had evolved into something I was not passionate about building.

One afternoon, 6 weeks ago, I went for a run at the Stanford Dish and it hit me like a bolt of lightning….why am I still in a job I don’t LOVE when I (finally) have the financial means to take some time off? I had already planned my annual Vegas vacation with my mom for the first week of August (yes, I brought my laptop to Vegas last year and worked while my mom sat by the pool)…perhaps I could wrap things up at my company in time to head off to Vegas to start my sabbatical.

I sat on the idea for a week to see how it felt and I talked with a few friends about it. My gut was telling me YES! this is what you need right now, so I talked with the CEO and our main investor and gave my one-month notice. I promised I would help get the company through a seed round of funding before I left. We closed the funding on July 27th. My last day at the company was July 31st and I was in Vegas that evening. Without my laptop.

Tomorrow: Sabbatical – Week 1. The Plan.