Yesterday was the first day for our company’s intern – a young lad (he was born two years after I graduated from college…strange to think I could be his mom) who really impressed me in the interview process and came to us highly recommended. As I handed him the stack of HR paperwork to complete, I noticed he had a very interesting tattoo on the inside of his left forearm (he let me take a photo of it later):

I didn’t say anything at the time, as we were about to interview a designer candidate, but on the walk back from lunch, I asked him for the significance of the tattoo. He told me that he had wanted a tattoo that had some meaning for how he wanted to live his life, and he had originally thought of a “play” button, as he was enamored of his iPod (btw, he used to work at an Apple retail store, so he far surpasses all of us in the office in Apple fanboy-ness). Then he thought “play” was too simple, and he thought perhaps, the “loop” symbol but then he realized the “shuffle” symbol was the best representation…when he’s listening to music on the iPod and he’s tired of the same old song, he presses the “shuffle” button to bring up something new and unexpected. He wanted a reminder that life would similarly present unexpected surprises…some pleasant, some not-so-much…but eventually, the song will end and a new one will start. And if you didn’t like how your life was going, you had the power to hit “shuffle” and see what happens next. I was impressed with his thoughtfulness and how he incorporated an element of something he cared about (beautiful Apple iconography!) with his attitude towards life. We had a great discussion about how for many cultures, tattoos were the first “social networking badges” that displayed for others what was important for you.

I once heard someone say that he got his tattoos to commemorate the meaningful events in his life so that years into the future, he could look back at those touchpoints and remember the person he was at those times and how he had grown. I recently started following an enjoyable blog on Tumblr called Pen And Ink that tells the stories of why people got their tattoos. I used to frown upon lots of tattoos on a person, but after reading some of the stories, I have become fascinated with tattoos as a means of self-expression, not to mention how artistically beautiful some of them are (but not this one).

I came extremely close to getting a “wings of gold” tattoo when I was in the navy, and even went to a tattoo parlor in Australia while on liberty but the shop was closed when I arrived. That was 17 years ago, and since then I’ve often thought about getting a tattoo but I just haven’t been inspired enough to do so. While the “butterly-emerging-from-a-chrysalis” would be apropos, it just seems too clichéd to me. Chinese symbols? Too five years ago. Maybe something will strike my fancy but until then, I’ll have to settle for tweeting my inspirational quotes and lyrics rather than wearing them.

I saw a friend of mine, another mom, at my son’s baseball game today. I hadn’t talked with her for a while, and we were catching up on how our lives have been since the last time we saw each other. I was pleasantly surprised and flattered that she told me she has put into practice something that she had learned from me – compartmentalizing.

The official definition of compartmentalizing is “dividing into sections or categories” but the way I was trained by the navy is to focus on the thing that needs your attention most and de-prioritize the other stuff or leave it out of your mind. It was extremely helpful for flying, and the concept was constantly drilled in our heads by the oft-used phrase, “Aviate, Navigate, Communicate”; i.e. keep the plane flying, figure out where you are, and then talk with air traffic controllers. For example, if the engine quits in flight, fly the plane (keep your airspeed up enough so you don’t stall and make matters worse) and deal with the emergency. Then, figure out where you are and look for a good place to land, and finally–and only after taking care of “aviate” and “navigate”–transmit your intentions on the radio to air traffic control (ATC), aka the guy sitting in the air-conditioned building, eating a Twinkie while you’re fighting snakes in the cockpit. It seems pretty straight-forward, but when you’re dealing with an emergency in the cockpit and you start drifting toward restricted airspace and ATC is squawking in your headset, asking you what’s going on, it’s important to shut out unnecessary noise and deal first with the top priority – keep the plane flying.

I don’t remember having the conversation with my friend about compartmentalizing, but I don’t doubt that in a past discussion I advocated for its usage in our hectic lives. Focusing on work while I’m at work and not worrying about issues at home helps me to be more productive. Being present at home while I’m with my kids and not thinking about work enables me to be a better mom. Compartmentalizing helps me be a better (and safer) pilot in the air; on the ground it empowers me to get my priorities straight, based on my situation.

I was caught off-guard this year to find that there is a downside to compartmentalizing that I had not been aware of – not dealing with all that stuff that you’ve left out of your mind so you could focus on the task at hand means there are issues that are unresolved and they can start to fester in your soul. Over the past year, I ended my marriage and also had to say goodbye to someone I loved, and instead of dealing with the sorrow and grief over the losses, I compartmentalized. It was good for getting through my days and being productive, but bad for my heart and my emotional health. The sorrow I felt started manifesting itself as doubts, and worse, regrets, and I finally had to force myself to process the feelings of loss so I could move on.

My friend and I had a good chuckle about how compartmentalizing enables us to release the anxiety of whiny children (well, rarely whiny children) and demanding jobs. Hearing her delight was the best compliment I’ve received in a long time. I felt such joy to know that something I said had made a positive difference in my friend’s life. I pray that I can replicate that.

We can make our minds so like still water
that beings gather about us that they may see,
it may be, their own images,
and so live for a moment with a clearer,
perhaps even with a fiercer life
because of our quiet.

From Earth, Fire and Water
By William Butler Yeats
(b. 1865-1939)