Category Archives: Art

2019 Vision Statement Scorecard

31 Tuesday Dec 2019

Posted by in Art, Fearless, Flying, Travel, Writing, Yoga

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My Instagram Top 9 photos of the year. I love that they represent the important areas of my life: family, friends, flying. learning and yoga.

This was an unexpectedly challenging year. I don’t feel like I was able to fully live up to the lofty vision I had crafted at the end of last year, but I’m okay with that. I had to spend more energy and time than I had planned managing some family and work issues. Life happens.

I do feel like I was able to accomplish more than I would have, had I not written a vision statement; so, I’ll continue doing them for self-inspiration and accountability.

I’m using the same color-code system to rate how well I was able to deliver on my vision for the year, where green = did it, yellow = did some of it and red = didn’t happen.

Family:

  • Goals
    • Did a family vacation together and unplugged our devices for at least one day (it was wonderful to do this during my New Zealand trip in 2018; need to disconnect from social media more often). The kids had some health issues and so we weren’t able to do a family vacation together where we could completely unplug. The three of us spent the holidays with my parents in Tampa, and Julia and I joined my family in March for my brother’s 50th birthday. She and I also did a weekend trip to Ukiah, but for the most part, this was a year we stayed local as a family.
    • Spent time with my parents I got to see my parents several times this year: for my brother’s birthday, for Thanksgiving, and then mom and I did our girl’s trip, and she also visited us in California.
  • Bonus:
    • I finally met the partner I’d hoped for and we are building a life together I went on three dates this year. Three! Maybe 2020 will be better?
    • Enjoyed a Vegas Girls’ trip with my mom, during a month when it was warm enough to sit out by the pool!We did our trip to Santa Fe, and it was in late September so it wasn’t super warm, but it was fun!

Friends:

  • Goals:
    • Had a fun trip to Sedona with my girlfriends This was super fun. Love my #girlsquad
  • Bonus
    • Hosted a dinner party for my friends Did this at the beginning of the year and would love to do more in 2020.

Work:

  • Goal:
    • I started a Women@GBM group and helped support women in our org I didn’t get a chance to do the Women@ group before I left Facebook, but I did get a Managers@ group started, as well as mentor several women at work.

Community:

  • Goals:
    • Started teaching yoga and mindfulness classes with Veterans Yoga project I had to postpone the VYP training into 2020; this will be on my 2020 Vision Statement.
    • Continued supporting veterans transitioning to tech by participating in Facebook’s Vets group and speaking with groups like Breakline Still one of my favorite things to do and I’m glad I was able to help veterans transitioning into tech jobs.

Me:

  • Goals:
    • Fitness:
      • Earned my 200-hr yoga teaching certification so I can teach yoga to veterans. Completed in June and have taught 2 community classes, as well as private lessons.
      • Can do a press-up handstand. Nope.
      • Competed in a pole dancing competition. Took classes but didn’t compete…yet.
    • Music: Since buying myself a digital piano for Christmas in Dec 2018, I completed an online piano course and can play at least 4 of the following songs. :
    • Flying: I fly every 3 weeks or so and enjoy taking friends up for flights. Did a couple of cross-country camping flights and enjoyed sleeping under the stars. I was flying frequently during the first 6 months of the year but then a combination of weather and personal stuff kept me grounded for the second half of 2019.
  • Bonus:
    • Writing:
      • I sold the screenplay/teleplay I wrote in 2017 and wrote another one.
      • I blogged monthly
    • Travel: I visited two new places this year (thinking about Sedona, South Africa, Copenhagen, Prague, Berlin, Costa Rica). I actually went to five: Toronto, Edinburgh, Scotland, Sedona, Portland and Kauai. I traveled a lot: Singapore, London, NYC, Washington, DC, Boonville, Yosemite, Santa Barbara, Los Angeles, Hawaii and Big Sur.
    • Painting: I set up my art studio space in San Jose and completed 20 paintings, enough to sign up for Open Studios. I have posted my paintings to my art website, encaustech.com, and have sold a few. I’ve begun talking with Facebook about doing an encaustic installation on one of the walls at work. I’m thrilled to have a studio in San Jose and I visit a couple of times a month. I would love to spend more time paining, but unfortunately, this has taken a backseat to other activities. Also, the studio is hot in the summer, which doesn’t pair well with encaustics, so I’m starting to learn Cold Wax painting for the summer months.

2019 Vision Q1 Check-in

17 Wednesday Apr 2019

Posted by in Art, Flying, Travel, Writing, Yoga

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I thought I’d try something new this year and not wait an entire 365 days to report on my vision statement progress.

I’m at my art studio, waiting for the wax to heat up to a molten state so I can start painting; seems like a good time to write a little. I miss writing. I had a call today with my writing partner about some tweaks to our screenplay and I felt that pull to sit in front of a laptop and empty my brain into another story. I love writing. I need to do more.

So, how are things going so far? What happened in January – March?

Family:

  • Goals
    • Did a family vacation together and unplugged our devices for at least one day (it was wonderful to do this during my New Zealand trip in 2018; need to disconnect from social media more often). Not yet. Planned for this summer.
    • Spent time with my parents. Julia and I got to see them and my brothers for my brother Patrick’s 50th birthday.
  • Bonus:
    • I finally met the partner I’d hoped for and we are building a life together. Not yet. Still hopeful. 🙂
    • Enjoyed a Vegas Girls’ trip with my mom, during a month when it was warm enough to sit out by the pool! Planned for Q3.

Friends:

  • Goals:
    • Had a fun trip to Sedona with my girlfriends. Such a fun trip, although I was coming down with a bad cold. Did some awesome hiking.
    • RhQAqPCbREqkCxr6PKBikw
  • Bonus
    • Hosted a dinner party for my friends. Super fun, hope to do another one later this year. I’m grateful to have such amazing, supportive friends in my life.

Work:

  • Goal:
    • I started a Women@GBM group and helped support women in our org. Not yet.

Community:

  • Goals:
    • Started teaching yoga and mindfulness classes with Veterans Yoga project. Not yet, will finish my training in June.
    • Continued supporting veterans transitioning to tech by participating in Facebook’s Vets group and speaking with groups like Breakline. Not yet.

Me:

  • Goals:
    • Fitness:
      • Earned my 200-hr yoga teaching certification so I can teach yoga to veterans. In progress! I’ve really been enjoying this training. Lots of studying!
      • fullsizeoutput_3f9c
      • Can do a press-up handstand. Hahaha, not even close…
      • Competed in a pole dancing competition. Not yet, but in progress.
    • Music: Since buying myself a digital piano for Christmas in Dec 2018, I completed an online piano course and can play at least 4 of the following songs. : In progress. Embarrassing accountability videos are below. I’m almost done with the Entertainer, halfway through La Valse d’Amelie (although it’s really rough), at the beginning of Glitter in the Air, and deciding whether or not to continue on Between the Lines. I love the song but it is freaking difficult. NOTE: Not sure why the video images are upside down, but it’s normal once it starts playing.

 

    • Flying: I fly every 3 weeks or so and enjoy taking friends up for flights. Did a couple of cross-country camping flights and enjoyed sleeping under the stars. I’ve taken a couple of friends flying on Bay Tours. Next up is my mountain flying checkout so I can go camping in the foothills. I’m also looking at getting my aerobatics check out, as straight and level is getting boring fast. 🙂
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Bonus:

  • Writing:
    • I sold the screenplay/teleplay I wrote in 2017 and wrote another one.Still trying to sell it.
    • I blogged monthly well, maybe quarterly?
  • Travel: I visited two new places this year (thinking about Sedona, South Africa, Copenhagen, Prague, Berlin, Costa Rica). Edinburgh is next!
  • Painting: I set up my art studio space in San Jose and completed 20 paintings, enough to sign up for Open Studios. I have posted my paintings to my art website, encaustech.com, and have sold a few. I’ve begun talking with Facebook about doing an encaustic installation on one of the walls at work. 

I rented a super cool art studio space in San Jose!

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Move-in Day

I have been focusing on yoga teacher training, so I haven’t been as productive in the studio as I would like; however, with the sun setting later every day, I’m hoping to paint more. Here’s a painting that’s almost done, and one that is just beginning:

 

2019 Vision Statement

02 Wednesday Jan 2019

Posted by in Art, Fearless, Flying, Travel, Yoga

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houseframe

Writing a vision statement feels like building the scaffolding for my life this year. It’s the framework of a house that I can decorate over 12 months with experiences and relationships.

However, sometimes it feels a bit grandiose. There are plenty of things I want to happen in my life that I’m not going to document in a vision statement because I enjoy being spontaneous and enjoying serendipitous moments (see: name of this blog).

I’m not as anal-retentive as this process suggests, but I know that the best way for me to get the most out of my one sweet life is to set my intentions and find ways to make them happen. I am a woman of action.

I lost another friend from college this year – a painful reminder that we don’t know how much time we have left on earth. I want to be deliberate in how I live my life. I want to live it to the fullest with the people I love.

Last year’s vision statement was pretty ambitious, and I ended up completing 8 out of the 20 goals, halfway completing 6 and not getting anywhere on 6. This year, I decided to simplify to two main goals per category and a few optional, bonus goals.

Here’s what I hope to accomplish in 2019 and what I’ll be writing at the end of the year:

Family:

  • Goals
    • Did a family vacation together and unplugged our devices for at least one day (it was wonderful to do this during my New Zealand trip in 2018; need to disconnect from social media more often)
    • Spent time with my parents
  • Bonus:
    • I finally met the partner I’d hoped for and we are building a life together
    • Enjoyed a Vegas Girls’ trip with my mom, during a month when it was warm enough to sit out by the pool!

Friends:

  • Goals:
    • Had a fun trip to Sedona with my girlfriends
  • Bonus
    • Hosted a dinner party for my friends

Work:

  • Goal:
    • I started a Women@GBM group and helped support women in our org

Community:

  • Goals:
    • Started teaching yoga and mindfulness classes with Veterans Yoga project
    • Continued supporting veterans transitioning to tech by participating in Facebook’s Vets group and speaking with groups like Breakline

Me:

  • Goals:
    • Fitness:
      • Earned my 200-hr yoga teaching certification so I can teach yoga to veterans.
      • Can do a press-up handstand.
      • Competed in a pole dancing competition.
    • Music: Since buying myself a digital piano for Christmas in Dec 2018, I completed an online piano course and can play at least 4 of the following songs. :
    • Flying: I fly every 3 weeks or so and enjoy taking friends up for flights. Did a couple of cross-country camping flights and enjoyed sleeping under the stars.
  • Bonus:
    • Writing:
      • I sold the screenplay/teleplay I wrote in 2017 and wrote another one.
      • I blogged monthly
    • Travel: I visited two new places this year (thinking about Sedona, South Africa, Copenhagen, Prague, Berlin, Costa Rica).
    • Painting: I set up my art studio space in San Jose and completed 20 paintings, enough to sign up for Open Studios. I have posted my paintings to my art website, encaustech.com, and have sold a few. I’ve begun talking with Facebook about doing an encaustic installation on one of the walls at work.

2018 Vision Statement

06 Saturday Jan 2018

Posted by in Art, Fearless, Flying, Travel, Yoga

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rosie

Here’s what I’ll be writing at the end of this year.  I added my work goals this time because it’s also an important part of my life.

Family:

  • Visited NYC together and saw some Broadway shows
  • Both kids are growing up to be independent, happy young adults.
  • Enjoyed a fun Vegas Girls’ trip with my mom.
  • Did a family vacation to a new spot.
  • Visited my parents in Tampa.
  • I finally met the partner I’d hoped for and we are building a life together.

Friends:

  • Finally did our international girls trip!
  • Hosted a dinner party for my WHIP friends and our partners.

Work:

  • I successfully supported AHE in our move to GBM
  • In our new team, we have radically improved education for all of our customers.
  • I was able to get an investment for community and we’ve increased the engagement which has helped support and education.
  • I started a Women@GBM group and helped support women in our org.

Community:

  • Started a Facebook group for my neighborhood and at least half of my neighbors (13 of 26) joined.
  • Continued supporting veterans transitioning to tech by participating in VetsinTech and other vet orgs.

Me:

  • Painting: I attended the International Encaustic Conference in Massachusetts in June. I set up my art studio and completed 20 paintings, enough to sign up for Open Studios in 2019. I have posted my paintings to my art website, encaustech.com, and have sold a few. I’ve begun talking with Facebook about doing an encaustic installation on one of the walls at work.
  • Design: I completed a web development course and was able to use what I learned to redesign encaustech.com, which I am now using to both exhibit and sell my artwork. Investigating how to do a small installation at Facebook.
  • Writing: I sold the screenplay I wrote in 2017 and wrote another one.
  • Fitness: I rode the Peloton bike 3-4X a week and did yoga at least 2X/week. Took a pole dancing class and loved it. I’m exploring options to get certified in teaching yoga.
  • Travel: I visited two new places this year (options include Bulgaria, Lisbon, Buenos Aires, Copenhagen, Prague, Berlin, Costa Rica).
  • Flying: I renewed my medical and got current again in a small plane. I fly every 3 weeks or so and enjoy taking friends up for flights.

Scorecard from 2017 Vision Statement

03 Wednesday Jan 2018

Posted by in Art, Music, Parenting, Travel, Writing, Yoga

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“Coastline”  watercolor on paper, 2012

I was able to get Quip to cooperate and found my 2017 Vision Statement. I had written it as an essay but found it easier to evaluate in spreadsheet form, so here’s how it went. I used color-coding to indicate whether or not I felt I met the goal, kinda met it, or missed:

Goals from 2017 Vision Statement Notes
Family
We took a fun family vacation together to Europe and a couple of long weekend trips to Carmel and Hawaii. Spent spring break in Oahu and did a summer trip to London and Venice. Didn’t make it to Carmel, though.
During the weeks they’re with me, I am able to leave the office in time to pick them up from school and we cook dinner together a couple of times a week. Getting handy with the InstaPot!
We welcomed a dog into our family. Got a cat – close enough!
I finally met the partner I’d hoped for and we are building a life together. He’s appreciative of all the thoughtful things I do for him, and he delights in and encourages my personal growth. Lots of dates but no serious prospects yet.
Friends
I’ve been able to finish furnishing and decorating my house and have hosted parties for my friends. Finally finished the built-in bookshelves and decorated the walls.
We did a get-away together and celebrated our friendship. Mexico fell through because of weather, but we “got away” to the east bay!
We went to several concerts together this summer RetroFutura concert, Green Day and Paula Cole
My friends helped me ring in my milestone birthday this year and I am grateful to have them in my life. Had an awesome birthday party thrown by my parents and my kids, with family and so many dear friends in attendance. #grateful
Community
I continued my involvement in veteran support groups. Advisor for VetsinTech, spoke at NPower graduation
Helped host a VetsinTech hackathon at Facebook.
I volunteered at both of my kids’ schools. Helped with the 8th grade graduation celebration.
Me
Painting: I set up my art studio and completed 20 paintings, enough to sign up for Open Studios in 2018. I  have posted my paintings to my art website, encautech.com, and have sold a few. I’ve begun talking with Facebook about doing an encaustic installation on one of the walls at work. Got my supplies in the garage but it’s a mess. Attended several workshops this year, but haven’t organized my own studio and made it functional yet.
Web Dev: I completed a web development course and was able to use what I learned to redesign encaustech.com, which I am now using to both exhibit and sell my artwork. This completely dropped. I was able to get back the url for encaustech.com and that’s now active again.
Writing: Speaking of blogs, I am regularly posting on rendipi.com and stretching my writing muscles. Wouldn’t consider posting 5x a year “regular.” 🙂
Writing: I finally completed the first draft of my first novel. Wrote a screenplay instead of a novel.
Music: I continued my guitar lessons and sang at an open mic night. Practiced guitar for a while but it fell off. No open mic nights yet, other than some karaoke.
Fitness: I got serious about yoga and am practicing at least 3X a week. In 2018, I will get my 200-hour teaching certificate and will start volunteering to teach yoga at the VA. Practicing yoga fairly regularly but need to carve out more time for it.
Travel: I enjoyed a solo vacation and visited some places I’ve never been to (Montreal, Vancouver, Prague, Barcelona, Copenhagen, Costa Rica are candidates) Visited Amsterdam and Barcelona. Loved both.

Tomorrow I’ll share my 2018 Vision Statement. There are lots of similarities – things I really wanted to get to this year but didn’t have time or other priorities occurred. And there are some new things! I’ll try to trim the list to something more manageable. Looking back, there was a lot here, and I didn’t even include my work goals.

Onward and upward!

Happy New Year, 2018

01 Monday Jan 2018

Posted by in Art, Fearless, Flying, Inspiration, love, Parenting, Writing

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fearless

As we often do at the end of a year, yesterday I reflected on my vision statement from 2017 and how much I was able to accomplish and what didn’t get done.

While I was able to achieve more things than I believe I would have if I hadn’t written a vision statement, it occurred to me that despite a shit-ton of therapy introspection over the past few years, I am still letting fear guide too much of my life.

I am still afraid of…

making bad decisions.
looking stupid.
hurting someone.
falling in love again.
hurting myself physically.
failing the people I love.
and probably several other things I haven’t listed. Blockchain technology, for example.

So, while I did write another vision statement for 2018 (which I will have to post separately because Quip is being uncooperative at the moment – shocker), I want to also commit to a guiding word for the year.

Over the past few years, I’ve used Explore, Stretch, Mindful, Forgive and Create. But for some unexplained reason, this year I feel I need to up-level the bad-assery of my inspirational word-of-the-year. Maybe it’s because I turned 50 a few months ago and so my mortality is more top-of-mind. Perhaps it’s because I find that the older I get, the fewer fucks I give about a LOT of stuff. Like my potty mouth, for example. During my years in the navy, my creativity in the fine usage of colorful metaphors approached artisanal mastery but has since degenerated to the point now where I can barely manage to drop an f-bomb when I need my teenage son to take.the.fucking.garbage.out.NOW.

But I digress.

For me, 2018 is about being FEARLESS.

  • It’s about stepping up for challenges at work that scare me, because I know I will figure shit out, somehow, and I’ll be supported by the best team I’ve ever had the honor of working with.
  • It’s about engaging more with friends, instead of using my INFJ-ness as an excuse to not comment on a post, or go to a party or take a stand on an issue.
  • It’s about encouraging myself to be vulnerable and open, hopeful that I will meet someone I can trust and find a partner whom I adore and who feels the same about me. Or maybe I won’t, and I’m okay with that. #dontsettle
  • It’s about getting back behind the stick of an airplane (a stick, not a goddamn yoke. Fuck that shit.) because I love flying and I miss having my head literally in the clouds.
  • It’s about continuing to loosen the grip on the two people I love the most, who are pulling slowly away from me (as they should) as they look toward that beacon of adulthood beckoning to them more brightly, while still supporting them and loving them every day. Even when they don’t take out the fucking trash.
  • It’s about sharing my writing, rather than worrying about what people will think, or how they’ll judge me. Ditto for my encaustic painting work.
  • It’s about getting stronger physically. After years of recovering from a fat childhood, I’m no longer afraid to own this. Sorry, Mom and Dad, this might be the year I take up pole dancing.

So there it is. My first fearless act is to share this publicly and ask you, my friends and family, to remind me that in exactly one year I’m going to have to answer up to myself about whether or not I followed through on being fearless. Hopefully you will at least have received an airplane ride out of it with me somewhere along the way.

Happy New Year, everyone! Except you, Fear. You can fuck off.

 

 

 

Making art from a broken heart

09 Friday Jun 2017

Posted by in Art, Inspiration, love

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I am taking a class at the Santa Cruz Museum of Art and History tomorrow, taught by Daniella Woolf. It’s inspired by work she did entitled Family Portrait using emotional letters that had been written by her family members. The class is called “Let it Rip.” We are encouraged to bring personal letters to transform.

Instead of letters, I’m bringing printed tweets that were written to be my a former lover. Most are some version of this:

Screen Shot 2017-06-09 at 8.06.45 PM

It’s interesting to read them now. At the time, when we were in love with each other, I would look forward to reading these delightful reminders of how beautiful and unique we thought our love was. I would feel warm inside, reading of his professed undying love for me. Unfortunately, he wasn’t ready for a committed relationship with me. Reading his words now, I feel sad that the timing didn’t work and that he let a love like that slip away. But, I’m grateful for getting this great material for art!

 

 

The mathz

16 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by in Art, Flying, love, Math

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goldenratio

I’m on a long flight from LHR-SFO, reading a great book called The Divine Proportion, by H.E. Huntley, published in 1970. It’s about the relationship of aesthetics and mathematics, so of course if focuses a lot on the Golden Ratio.

In the first chapter, the author describes how he fell in love with mathematics. It was at a lecture, during his freshman year at Bristol University and the lecturer, Peter Frazer, wrote a theorem on the chalkboard and became enamored by the simple elegance of the set he had drawn. He paused, then proclaimed how exquisite it was, becoming animated in his exaltations of the theorem’s beauty. The class laughed, but the author was moved.

I get it. I had a similar experience in my freshman calculus class, when Professor Zukowski, who most mornings reeked of alcohol, wrote on the board the first differential equation I’d ever seen, and proceeded to explain how calculus could explain so many parts of our world…it was like I had received a decoder ring for the universe. I had loved trigonometry in high school, mostly the graphing of the curves, but this was adding a new dimension, literally.

In the book, Professor Huntley gives advice to those who might be reading it and thinking of pursuing mathematics as a career. One bit of advice struck me as sad, yet true. He writes, “You may be lonely. Scarcely anyone will understand your work because few will be capable of understanding it.”

I feel that deeply. Perhaps my greatest failure as a parent has been my inability to stir in my children the same love I had for math. Granted, I didn’t fall in love with math until I was in college. And friends will tell you that it wasn’t math I fell in love with, but David Carpenter.

I’ll explain… I was in NROTC, so I had to take calculus. And in my calculus class was a cute, suntanned, shaggy-haired boy with awesome dimples, named Dave Carpenter. He kept to himself, which added to his mystique. One day, he came to class in an Air Force ROTC uniform and I about died…my secret crush was also in ROTC! I finally mustered the courage to ask him about it, and we struck up a conversation. He had dreams of becoming an astronaut, so he was enrolled in AFROTC. I started researching the space program. Most astronauts were former military test pilots who had technical degrees. So I switched my major from art to mathematics. My friends accused me of wanting to become an astronaut so I could have sex with David Carpenter in space.

After the second month of school, I didn’t see him in class. I never saw him in a uniform on campus again. His enthusiasm for the space program had apparently dissipated, or maybe it transferred over to me. I went on a field trip to a few naval air stations over the holiday break and fell in love with flying, too. David Carpenter had been replaced.

It’s funny, I was reading this book about numbers, and then the in-flight TV show I was most drawn to was a show about online dating and algorithms. I took a few notes; my next exercise after writing this blog post is updating my dating profile. On the show, the host mentioned the mathematical formula about rejecting 37% of options and then dating the next suitable person (also detailed in this article). I’ve been keeping a list of the dates I’ve been on; I think I’m around 28, so I feel like I have extra incentive to hop to it and get out on some more dates.

I was also super inspired by the images and figures in the book. I cannot wait to get my art studio in order so I can start a mathematically-inspired series of paintings. I want to do a bunch that are inspired by the golden ratio, and also a series of chessboards. I love that math continues to inspire me in so many ways, which gives me hope that maybe my kids will also eventually learn to appreciate it.

When I look in the mirror…

05 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Art

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This is from a writing prompt I did in a writing workshop a few months ago. The prompt was, “When I look in the mirror…”

When I look in the mirror I see an artist. Those are ten simple words but it’s taken me over 40 years to write them and feel confident that they’re true.

When I was a child, I loved to draw and make up jokes to make my parents laugh. We moved around a lot because my dad was in the military and when we were finally a big enough family to merit housing with a garage, we were in Southern California, where thankfully no one uses garages for cars and I would delight in recruiting my brothers and our friends to perform plays and reenactments using the garage as our makeshift theater. I would write and direct the plays, create the playbills, act in the plays, even make snacks for the “concession stand.”

In elementary school I lived for the annual school play. I was crushed when I didn’t get the lead in the fourth grade play – a spaghetti western about a cowboy named Jones. I still remember the theme song, “Along Came Jones.” Because I knew how to play piano, I was cast in a small role as Miss Kitty, the owner of the local Saloon, and when Jones said “Hit it, Miss Kitty” I had to play the Scott Joplin rag, “The Entertainer.” I don’t even think I had a line; I just winked back at him and played the piano.

I exacted my revenge for this crushing miscasting by spending the next summer writing a play to be performed for our 5th grade year. It was a study in what aliens would think about Earth if they landed in Camp Pendleton, CA and only learned about our society from watching television commercials. I guess it was actually funny because my teacher, Miss Bobo, agreed to let us perform it. 

I had to write out the script because I didn’t know how to type, and then make copies using that carbon copy paper and I can’t remember what it’s called now because it was 1977 and we’re so beyond that archaic method of copying. I loved every minute of putting on this production – the staging, the directing, the coaching, wondering which jokes would land and which needed to be juiced up a bit.

My parents were lukewarm about my enthusiasm for art and performing. I could sense their disapproval in the way that they talked about famous actors…”Oh, he was so entertaining in that movie, too bad he’s as queer as a three-dollar bill.” Wanting to please my parents, I started thinking about other careers. I loved animals, so one night at a family dinner I announced (to my parents’ delight) that I was thinking about becoming a veterinarian, which meant I would need to go to medical school (much better than scandalizing the family by becoming an actress).

Within a week, my parents bought me a copy of Grey’s Anatomy. I think they were so thankful that I had apparently moved on from the ridiculous idea of becoming an actress that they neglected to actually look in the book and realize that the huge tome of medical information also included diagrams of reproductive organs, a verboten topic in our catholic family. This was a major score for an 11 year old. Finally, I got to see a decent drawing of a penis. And a vagina, for that matter. I so had the fear of God drilled into me about sex that I had never looked at my own genitalia in a mirror because I couldn’t bear the thought of telling a priest about it in confession. It never occurred to me to just not say anything.

High School came and my main activity, other than school work, was drama. I was drawn to the theater. I felt at home on stage and behind it. I loved the teamwork involved in putting on the show and the creativity and the service to the audience. My parents and I had some tense conversations about my college and career choices. I wanted to study acting and art, but my parents pressured me to study something else, anything else. I had grown up hearing about how artists were weird, were perverts, were people who weren’t skilled at anything else useful to society and so they do art. Don’t think you’ll ever get rich by being an actress, my parents constantly reminded me. All my childhood I heard that being an artist would set me up for failure in life. When I went to college, I took the road my parents wanted me to travel because they convinced me that the path I wanted with lead to sadness and poverty and nude photos that would destroy any artistic career I could cobble together in the first place. I had been told my whole childhood that being an artist was bad, so when I looked in the mirror, I told myself you’re too good of a person to be an artist.

And yet the artist inside me wouldn’t go away. I did some community theater after college. In the navy I made music videos for my squadron. I started painting 7 years ago and I make time to write. I started accepting that just because my path created a successful business career, it doesn’t mean I can’t create, in bits and pieces. I look forward to the future, in a few years, when my kids are grown up and I can move someplace less expensive and take a lower-paying job, and I’ll change my LinkedIn profile to only say “Artist.”

8 things I noticed this morning before 8am

07 Monday Jan 2013

Posted by in Art, Mindfulness, Writing

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1. Upon waking, the amazing way the morning light in the corners of my bedroom casts itself in different shades of beige and gold and begs to be painted.

2. How quiet my house is in contrast to the school mornings when my kids are with me.

3. On my walk to get my morning coffee, how the sky and clouds look like they were painted in watercolors.

4. The sparse berries left on the trees by the train station signal that we are definitely in the middle of winter, even though the few berries that are left are bright pink.

5. I don’t notice the train noise anymore.

6. I wanted to pick up a penny I spotted in a crosswalk, but there was a big truck coming and  even though he had the stop sign, I didn’t think tempting fate for a penny was worth it.

7. I had a 3-minute internal debate while in line about what coffee I should order this morning. The Vanilla Spice sounds really good but I need to lose the five pounds I gained over the holidays (thanks, Mom!). I should probably get a tall nonfat latté but I feel like kicking off my year with a little something extra. What to get, what to get…

8. I am excited for 2013. I am looking forward to the adventures that await me this year. I know they will make me stronger, just as last year’s did.

I love that this morning I felt the urge to write and I have the time to do so.

I ended up ordering a grandé peppermint latté. And I am savoring it.