Mommy, Can We Please Get a Puppy?

I used to be a dog owner. I like to say that my first children were of the four-legged variety, before I became a mom.  I had a black lab for almost 15 years…I take great pride that he lived for so long (most labs live 10-12 years). He eventually got so old that he couldn’t control his back hips or his bowels (common for larger dogs like labs) and after a year of cleaning up poop in my house, I finally called a special vet who makes the dreaded final house calls and she put him to sleep in our living room. It was one of the most painful days of my life.

My kids are of the age where many of their friends’ families are getting puppies. My daughter has been begging me to get a puppy, but fortunately, I’ve been able to avoid dog ownership, as our landlord doesn’t allow pets (she made a special exception for the tortoise). Plus, when they’re at their dad’s I don’t want to be stuck with taking care of a dog on my own, and they wouldn’t be able to bring the dog to his apartment because his landlord doesn’t allow pets either (although they made a special exception for their cat). For the past 6 months, I don’t think a day has gone by when my daughter hasn’t sweetly mentioned what wonderful pets dogs are or said “Mom, tell me more about what you like about puppies” (she’s an amazing negotiator for her 8 years).

This past weekend, I agreed to help watch my friend’s 6-month old lab puppy (we’ll call him Rusty, to protect his identity. In case, you know, he reads this). I thought it would be a great opportunity to test the kids out with a dog, and I only had to walk him twice, so I happily agreed to be part of Team Rusty (my friend smartly divided up the 2 days of dog-watching among 4 different friends to lessen the impact). I helped out on Saturday evening with the dinnertime walk/wear-out-the-puppy meetup at a local park. It brought back memories of taking my lab to a park to get him the exercise labs so desperately need so they don’t turn into house-destroying tornadoes.

We got to the park and the kids immediately ran to the playground. I was left holding the ChuckIt while Rusty barked and pleaded with me to please throw the goddamn ball already! So, I heaved the ball into the air and enjoyed watching him fetch. He hurled himself at it and proudly ran back, chomping on the tennis ball and salivating all over it. He came over and dropped the ball (good boy!) but when I reached over to pick it up he bit at the ChuckIt (bad dog!). Ooh! My dog-training instincts re-awakened as I recognized an opportunity to do some canine development. “WAIT!” I said sharply to Rusty and started leaning down to pick up the ball. He charged the ball again, so I grabbed his collar and jerked him back, saying “WAIT!” His eyes never left the ball. We tried it again. He charged it again. I yanked him back and yelled “BAH!” We tried it again. This time he watched. I slowly reached down and scooped up the ball and then yelled “Good Wait, Rusty!” and hurled the ball for him to chase. We worked on this for about 30 minutes. I was thrilled that toward the end, he seemed to be getting it (he’s a pure-bred lab, so I’m counting on some intelligence there). By this time, my children were climbing the backstop of the baseball field at the park and Rusty was seeking out shade and lying down whenever he brought the ball back, so we called it a day and walked Rusty home. I lucked out in that he never pooped the whole time, so I didn’t have to break out the pastic baggie for clean-up duty (I always really hated that part about dogs).

It was a good reminder that puppies are a buttload of work. On the walk back to Rusty’s house, my daughter talked about all the reasons we should get a dog (they’re comforting, they protect the house, they encourage us to get exercise when we walk them, etc.) until I pointed out that she and her brother had not helped at all with Rusty at the park. She looked at me funny and then gently explained that she didn’t want a lab because they are too much work and too physical. She wants us to get a cute little terrier puppy, which she assured me would be much, much easier than taking care of Rusty.

Ah, yeah right. 😉

Monterey Bay Aquarium Visit

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Yesterday I took the kids to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. The last time we were there was for an overnight six months ago (which I *highly* recommend. It is super cool to fall asleep next to a huge tank full of fish slowly swimming by). The kids always love going, and I find it amazing that we always seem to notice something new or unique each time we go.

We have our favorites. My son loves the “Open Sea” exhibit, which is essentially a ginormous tank with lots of big fish and a couple of turtles. But there’s something about the glow from the tank in the darkness of the room, accompanied by the soothing soundtrack piped over the exhibit’s speakers that creates a very relaxing, calm experience. I like that the turtles appear to be flying:

My daughter’s favorite was the new Jellies Experience, which is a fun and groovy look at jellyfish. The aquarium already has a jelly exhibit, but they added a wonderful layer of fun by pulling together an additional exhibit that is done with black lights and funky colors, to the sounds of groovy, 60’s pipe organ music. Plus, they created some quirky lighting in the style of jellyfish that she now wants to create for her own room:

I have two favorites: the Giant Pacific Octopus and the Seahorses. I have had a long fascination with octopuses and have incorporated that into my artwork. The octopus at the aquarium is kept in a smaller tank that unfortunately is almost covered by people, likewise curious about these amazing animals. My daughter is great at creeping in to small spaces and found a spot right up front to take a picture. It’s not the best photo (it’s in a very dark corner), but you can get a sense of its majesty:

(btw, I always thought octopuses were cool, but after seeing this video, now I know they are the BADASSES of the ocean)

Then, there are the seahorses. Seahorses “court” each other for days and then dance while having sex and the male carries the babies…how awesome is that? Plus, they’re so cute how they propel themselves through the water using little fins rapidly like a hummingbird’s wings. Not surprisingly, my daughter and I loved the seahorse exhibit while my son made his way quickly to the gift shop.

We watched a couple of films at the aquarium theater, but the one that really made an impression on me was a short film about the TOPP project. Tagging of Pacific Predators (TOPP) is one of several projects that make up the Census of Marine Life, a 10-year, international effort to understand more about the ocean and the marine life that calls it home. I was really excited to learn about this. Just a few days ago, the United States landed a rover on Mars, millions of miles away (which is a phenomenal and necessary accomplishment for humankind), and yet we really don’t know much about the vast, ocean-covered portions of our own planet. It’s heartening to hear that there are scientists devoted to discovering more about our oceanic world.

We had such a wonderful time that I forked over $195 for a family membership. It’s tax deductible, the kids were thrilled that they got their own membership cards with their names on them, and the money goes towards a great cause. It really is a wonderful day trip for families with kids of any ages…and adults, too. Last summer, when I spent a few days in Pacific Grove for a mini-vacation, I went to the Aquarium on my own so I could experience it without the ever-nagging feeling of “where are my children?” I enjoyed that time of non-interrupted exhibit viewing and look forward to another solo visit, since I’m now a card-carrying member.

Making Something Ugly

[This was originally a draft post from the 15 Habits of Great Writers series that I never posted. I’ve added to it in order to check off my “write 500 words every day” goal. (I needed a little assistance because I am limited on time and inspiration this morning…I’m taking the kids to Monterey Bay Aquarium) ]

Day 7: Start something that you know will be difficult and thus have been avoiding. Doesn’t matter if it’s ugly, as all art starts out ugly before the artist finds the beauty in it.

I’ve always liked to think about what the world would be like if gender roles were reversed. What if long ago, there had been some event that established a maternalistic society? How differently would society have evolved? Or would it be more interesting from a creative writing perspective to just take the current world and flip gender roles in order to highlight the inequalities? I thought about this idea again while watching the movie Magic Mike last week. It was an odd blend of male stripping/dancing and character drama (thank you, Steven Soderbergh). I can’t help but think that if this had been a movie about a woman stripping and dancing in order to make money so she can pursue her real dream of “respectable” artistic work…oh, wait, that was Flashdance.  Anyway, this (ugly) piece of creative writing comes from that idea of a world ruled by woman:

I am tired of living this boring life, he thought, as he lifted the dining room chair and deftly manuevered the vacuum cleaner, sucking up the leftover flakes of the croissants he had baked for Jacinda. He found some fulfillment in managing their home and in his daily trips to the local Manifestival arena (Just last week he defeated Artemisas in wrestling. Jacinda seemed proud and pleased that her husband had established himself as the one of the strongest men in their town) but he felt something was missing. Why should the women be allowed to work outside the home and travel for business and earn their own paychecks, but not men? He had always loved doing the crossword puzzles in the newspaper and enjoyed writing letters for correspondence…he had once written a short story in school that had earned him high marks and he had been elated until the teacher remarked that it’s too bad that men don’t work in the arts., he would likely have been a good writer. Best to stick to mens’ work, using his natural strength. History had shown that women were smarter and better able to manage complex projects and large groups of people. Leave the easier work, like domestic engineering, to the men. He set the vacuum cleaner down and thought of the essay he had submitted to their city newspaper’s non-fiction contest, using his initials so the editor might assume it was a woman writing. The deadline was last week and he constantly checked his mailbox for some sort of notification. His daydream was interrupted by the sharp shrill ring of their kitchen phone. 

The Sabbatical Plan

I decided to take a sabbatical. Now what? How best to use this gift of time?

I am kicking off the sabbatical with two important tasks this week. First, I started working with a career coach (on Monday morning no less! How’s that for wasting no time?) so I could have some professional guidance with thinking about what is important to me and how I will use that knowledge to help me find more satisfying work when I start my next job. Second, I am beginning to clean out the house today so I can feel more organized and get rid of clutter. I feel a driving need to get rid of useless stuff and I’m happy I finally have time to do it right.

But after this week? What next?

Being the planner that I am, I’ve felt the need to organize my goals for this break from work. I am trying to not schedule every day, but rather to have a menu of things to choose from so I can feel somewhat spontaneous.

I am organizing my activities of choice into 4 categories: Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual. I was inspired from reading James Altucher’s blog and books. He describes doing a “Daily Practice” of four things every day: Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual (he even created a website to help people track their daily practice). I liked the well-roundedness of that approach.

On a daily basis, I will:
Practice yoga (physical)
Keep a gratitude journal (emotional)
Write 500 words (mental)
Meditate for 20 minutes (spiritual)

Over the course of the next 4-6 months, I will also participate in the following:

Physical
Learn to surf
Dance
Get a 200 hour yoga teaching certificate?

Emotional
Volunteer at the kids’ school
Volunteer at the VA
Open my heart to the possibility of dating
Travel

Mental
Write: Work on a novel
Learn to Code
Build an App/Website
Paint

Spiritual
Read more about Buddhism

I am out of time for now…and only up to 324 words; crap! I will have to come back to this later and finish my thoughts.

 

Time for a sabbatical

I’ve been working in Silicon Valley for 11 years and have never taken a break from work.

Well, let me qualify that.

I did have 2 maternity leaves, but any other mom can vouch for me when I say that caring for a helpless human being on 4 hours of sleep a day is *not* a break from working. I was also laid off in the summer of 2009 and paid 6 months of severance. I had planned to take a few months off and enjoy the school vacation time with my kids, but 2 weeks into my 24 weeks of paid leave, my (now ex-) husband started asking me about when I was going to start looking for my next job. I managed to hold off looking for a couple of months and enjoyed that time (traveled to Tokyo to visit friends, went to an art conference in Massachusetts, started “Camp Hirschman” for my kids, explored starting my own business) but I constantly felt the irritation from my ex that I was not working while he was (even though I was getting paid the whole time). I went back to work after three months.

Fast forward to about 6 weeks ago.

I had been separated from my ex for over a year and was living on my own 50% of the time and 50% with my kids. I loved the independence I was enjoying. As part of our divorce, we had sold our house in Palo Alto and I had some money sitting in the bank.

Last August I co-founded a mobile app company and we established an office in San Francisco. I had been commuting almost a year to the city and the time spent going back and forth was wearing on me. While I had loved the process of starting the company, our product had evolved into something I was not passionate about building.

One afternoon, 6 weeks ago, I went for a run at the Stanford Dish and it hit me like a bolt of lightning….why am I still in a job I don’t LOVE when I (finally) have the financial means to take some time off? I had already planned my annual Vegas vacation with my mom for the first week of August (yes, I brought my laptop to Vegas last year and worked while my mom sat by the pool)…perhaps I could wrap things up at my company in time to head off to Vegas to start my sabbatical.

I sat on the idea for a week to see how it felt and I talked with a few friends about it. My gut was telling me YES! this is what you need right now, so I talked with the CEO and our main investor and gave my one-month notice. I promised I would help get the company through a seed round of funding before I left. We closed the funding on July 27th. My last day at the company was July 31st and I was in Vegas that evening. Without my laptop.

Tomorrow: Sabbatical – Week 1. The Plan.

Expect the unexpected

Today I took an encaustic painting class at WaxWorksWest with Cathy Valentine. The class was called “Going Deep.” According to the class description, “this process requires time, patience and the ability to ‘let go’ of what you may feel is a completed piece.” Just what I needed…an opportunity to exercise my patience!

Oscar Wilde said “Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life” but today my painting process was a pretty good representation for what my life has been like lately. We started out by making our own painting and drawing tools out of materials like steel wool and fiber that we tied to a stick. Then we used india ink to start drawing shapes and patterns. The process was to add a layer of medium, draw on it, fuse it, and repeat. Over and over. The multiple layers add depth to the painting.

I had a hard time knowing where to start, with no strategy for getting to a finished piece. I tried different shapes and drawings on the wax, but I was feeling completely uninspired, mostly because of an underlying sadness in my spirit from an argument I had with a friend the previous day that was still weighing on me. At one point, I was so frustrated that things weren’t coming together that I went outside to get some fresh air. I looked up at the blue sky and yearned for inspiration. After a couple of minutes of enjoying the beautiful weather and the lovely garden outside the studio, I was ready to try again. Here’s where I picked it up:

I was experimenting with an infinity symbol and the painting tool I was using created a lot of “noise” around it, which seemed to capture the lost feeling I have right now about what to do with my life as well as all the messiness and complications that I feel I’m dealing with. I’m surrounded by lots of friends and people yet I yearn for the symbiotic union of the two orbs of the infinity loop in the painting, creating strength and intimacy.

Inspired by the bright day outside and the recent Independence Day holiday, I picked up on the the dots from the ink and decided to add some “fireworks” with oil stick:

I liked the addition of color, and I started visualizing the front view of an airplane, with swirling vortices coming off of it. I decided to add some “blue sky” background in preparation for some clouds and a nice airplane:

But something brought me back to the swirly lines. I added a few more layers of those and started seeing tentacles (my fascination with octopuses) so I went back to the oil sticks and grabbed cadmium orange and brown/pink:

I liked where that was going, so I inked in the “suckers” and the outline a little more:

It’s a bit difficult to see in the photograph, but all the layers underneath add a very cool depth to the painting. I thought I was done, but then the teacher delightfully told me that I’ll have a chance tomorrow to take it even further!

What did I take away from today? A few things:
it’s okay to not have a plan. Things will eventually work out (I had serious doubts right about lunchtime, but it did work out). While it was initially unsettling to jump in and start without a plan, I was excited to try something new and to stretch my comfort level, and I was pleasantly surprised with the outcome.
art reveals itself. Sometimes you have to just have faith…and patience. Beauty is inside of us, we just have to give it an opportunity to unfold.
even when you do have a plan, the universe might have something else in store for you. Deal with it. It will probably be just fine, although maybe not what you had expected.

Serendipity

When we separated, my husband refused to move out of the house, so I rented a small, 2-bedroom apartment about 5 minutes away. It was a huge relief to have my own place. We had initially decided on a 6-month separation, but as the months passed and neither of us reached out to the other to make amends it became clear that we would not be repairing our marriage. My six-month lease was coming to an end and I received a note from my landlord, notifying me that if I wanted to stay in the apartment, my rent was being increased from $1995/month to $2695/month if I signed a year-lease, or $2995/month if I went month to month (I live in Palo Alto, CA, where landlords can apparently get away with insane increases in rent like that).

I couldn’t stay in that 900 square foot apartment any longer…not so much because of the size, but because my son and daughter had to share a room, and the walls were so thin we could hear the television of our next-door neighbor. I was convinced that the people living directly over us were sprightly 300-pound college students; they often woke me up when stomping around at 2am.

It was time to move. I had anticipated the rent increase, (although not 50%…holy cow) and had been looking for our next home for a month or so. My needs were pretty simple; the  “Must-have” criteria were 3 BR, 1BA, in Palo Alto, a year lease for ~$3500/month or less. I had a longer list of “preferred” criteria: in the North part of Palo Alto (where my children’s school is located), within walking distance to downtown, hardwood floors, garage, 2BA, modern kitchen (in my price range, many of the houses I saw were older and not all had “modern” amenities like dishwashers).

I sent emails to friends, letting them know I was searching for a place to rent. I wrote out my list of must-have and preferred criteria and offered it up to the universe.  Every day, I searched Craigslist, sometimes several times a day, looking for candidates that fit my basic criteria. I viewed a lot of properties. Sometimes, in a moment of hopelessness, I would consider a 2BR if the rooms were really big, figuring I could share a room with my daughter and have it for myself during the weeks she wasn’t with me. After about 3 months of looking (and 2 months of paying $2995/month for my apartment) I was starting to worry, but I reminded myself to be calm and to trust that things would work out. I believed that the universe had my back.

Finally, the Craigslist listing I had been waiting for arrived, but I was on the other side of the planet and unable to attend the open house. It was a 3BR, 2BA house near downtown! The rent was a little higher than I had hoped ($3800) but it was close enough. I had started seeing other property lease rates inch up and I realized I had to reset my expectations of what my dollar could buy, or, er, rent. I called the landlord to explain to her that I was very interested in the house but that I could not attend the open house that weekend because I was in the UK. She very kindly let me know that I could view the house on Monday when I returned…if it was still available. Ugh. I knew my chances were slim that it would not be gone by the time I returned, but again, I said a little prayer and then let it go, avoiding obsessing over whether or not it would still be available. There really wasn’t anything else I could do at that point, so why stress out over it?

I was delighted that by the time I returned home on Monday, I had not received a phone call from her, telling me the house had been rented. I called her to confirm that she could still show me the house and she met me that evening.

The frontage of the house was not impressive; it looked like behind the door one would find a 200 square foot studio, plus it was a block away from the train tracks. I sighed, assuming this would be another over-priced dud of a house. May, the landlord pulled up in her Lexus, sized me up as she got out of her car and showed me to the door. I was on my best behavior…I really wanted to get out of the apartment. I was pleasantly surprised when we walked in to hardwood floors and a long hallway that extended to the master bedroom in the back of the house. There was a sunlight-filled playroom on the right, with a door that led to the back yard. The kitchen was small but had a large refrigerator and a dishwasher, plus a gas stovetop (I hate electric). There was a one-car garage with rafters for storage. I walked toward the back of the house and found two bedrooms and a bathroom for the kids, and a huge master bedroom in the back, with a large closet and a two-sink bathroom. I was relieved. Then I was on a mission to get the house.

We walked into the back yard onto the patio. Behind the house was the driveway for a pediatrician’s office, so I noted that those neighbors would be fairly quiet during the hours I was home. There were lemon and apple trees in the yard, and May encouraged me to pick a few to bring to my kids. The train had come by while we were in the house and the double-pane windows had done a decent job of keeping out most (but definitely not all) of the noise. I tried to negotiate the price down to $3500 but May held firm. I felt the universe had provided an adequate house that had surpassed my list, so I wrote out a check for the deposit and filled out an application form. I must have charmed May, because she called me the next day to let me know the house was mine.

The process of finding this house turned into a life lesson for me, mostly about the power of patience and mindfulness.  When I knew my apartment situation was not working, I did all I could to find something new and I remained hopeful when my initial efforts did not result in finding what I needed, but I didn’t needlessly worry about a future (not finding a “good enough” home) that hadn’t happened. I stayed present and had faith that the universe would deliver, and it did.

Starting something I’m scared of

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Day Three: Start something I’m scared of.

I’ve always wanted to write a book or screenplay based on my high school years in Hawaii, but I wasn’t sure what the driving story would be, or who the characters should be, and so on, so I always felt overwhelmed and afraid of taking the first step.

Today, I started.

Here’s the first page I wrote:

She exited the jetway and walked into the open air terminal. The thickness of the air enveloped her like a spiderweb. It was sweet and heavy and after a few syrupy breaths she realized that beads of sweat were forming on her forehead and upper lip so she removed her sweater and let the tropical air settle in to her skin. The length of their journey from the east coast had worn them all down to where their senses were dulled, but the overwhelming floral scent woke them up enough to lift their weary eyelids and admire their new environment. Flowers and greenery seemed to be everywhere, growing alongside the walkways and strung up in beautiful loops, offered for sale by small, dark-skinned women wearing loose, colorful dresses (she would later learn these are called muumuus, a Hawaiian word for “cut off” because the dresses were made without yokes so the missionaries wouldn’t be so hot in the tropical heat). Looking out beyond the airport, to one side was a wall of green, mossy mountains, and to the other side, nothing…just sky and clouds and…home. No, she had to remind herself, this is now our home. For the next three years, anyway. What lay across the miles of ocean used to be home but now it’s just a memory. There is no going back to the life I had in Virginia. She wondered what her friends were doing at that moment…their time was now 6 hours ahead of hers. Not only had she physically been removed from her friends but now they lived in different time zones. The sight of the exotic flowers in the terminal and the new smells emanating from food stalls were her wake up call that “this ain’t Kansas, Dorothy.” Hawaii may be a state of the United States of America, but it was the exotic, distant cousin to all the white-bread family members back on the mainland. She wondered if Alaska had the same, isolated feeling of being so geographically removed from the rest of the USA. As she would learn soon enough, many of the people of Hawaii felt as remote as the state itself, wary (and perhaps weary) of visitors. To them, she was essentially a three-year tourist.

This.

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A friend of my friend passed away and she posted this on Facebook for him. I don’t know who the author is and have been unsuccessful in finding more online, but I thought this so beautifully expressed how I feel about life that I wanted to keep it, so I’m tucking it away here.

In a slip
The moment skips by
And a life is done

A perfect carved miniature
Added to the infinite mosaic
Each of us destined to join

A beginning
A middle
An end

Born to live
Live to love
Love to create

A whole story
Another story
Unique and universal

This intensity of aliveness
So full of certainty
A sense of the permanent
In the blink of an eye
The most temporary blink
Then it’s done…

Reach out
Reach out and love
Reach out and touch

Feel, confirm
it all is happening
Know through connection
We are here
Flowing water
Vital and fleeting

Speak, kiss, hold, love
Create
Leave your mark
Learn, learn, learn
Teach, teach, teach

Heed your passion
Follow your bliss
Find your voice

Look into another soul
Eyes are the window
And the mirror

Wake up that passion
With the proof
That you and another have connected

Share the fire
Honor the spark
Make the love
Carve the stone

The prescious present
Never returns
Say it now
Do it now
Be it NOW

No regretting the doing
Only what we didn’t
-Mark Ulano

Every day I’m shufflin’

Yesterday was the first day for our company’s intern – a young lad (he was born two years after I graduated from college…strange to think I could be his mom) who really impressed me in the interview process and came to us highly recommended. As I handed him the stack of HR paperwork to complete, I noticed he had a very interesting tattoo on the inside of his left forearm (he let me take a photo of it later):

Shuffle tattoo

I didn’t say anything at the time, as we were about to interview a designer candidate, but on the walk back from lunch, I asked him for the significance of the tattoo. He told me that he had wanted a tattoo that had some meaning for how he wanted to live his life, and he had originally thought of a “play” button, as he was enamored of his iPod (btw, he used to work at an Apple retail store, so he far surpasses all of us in the office in Apple fanboy-ness). Then he thought “play” was too simple, and he thought perhaps, the “loop” symbol but then he realized the “shuffle” symbol was the best representation…when he’s listening to music on the iPod and he’s tired of the same old song, he presses the “shuffle” button to bring up something new and unexpected. He wanted a reminder that life would similarly present unexpected surprises…some pleasant, some not-so-much…but eventually, the song will end and a new one will start. And if you didn’t like how your life was going, you had the power to hit “shuffle” and see what happens next. I was impressed with his thoughtfulness and how he incorporated an element of something he cared about (beautiful Apple iconography!) with his attitude towards life. We had a great discussion about how for many cultures, tattoos were the first “social networking badges” that displayed for others what was important for you.

I once heard someone say that he got his tattoos to commemorate the meaningful events in his life so that years into the future, he could look back at those touchpoints and remember the person he was at those times and how he had grown. I recently started following an enjoyable blog on Tumblr called Pen And Ink that tells the stories of why people got their tattoos. I used to frown upon lots of tattoos on a person, but after reading some of the stories, I have become fascinated with tattoos as a means of self-expression, not to mention how artistically beautiful some of them are (but not this one).

I came extremely close to getting a “wings of gold” tattoo when I was in the navy, and even went to a tattoo parlor in Australia while on liberty but the shop was closed when I arrived. That was 17 years ago, and since then I’ve often thought about getting a tattoo but I just haven’t been inspired enough to do so. While the “butterly-emerging-from-a-chrysalis” would be apropos, it just seems too clichéd to me. Chinese symbols? Too five years ago. Maybe something will strike my fancy but until then, I’ll have to settle for tweeting my inspirational quotes and lyrics rather than wearing them.

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